POSTIVE

“POSITIVE”

Normally, a word I proudly describe myself as… but “positive” coming out of the mouth of a doctor after a COVID test, the word sure has taken on a whole new meaning.

I AM POSITIVE 

I write this in my bedroom in isolation.

Isolation is when you’re confirmed a positive case and now need to completely avoid all human contact. I’ve been instructed to remain in this isolation for a total of 14 days after testing positive for COVID-19. 

I consider myself lucky so far, though. 

I haven’t had a temperature over 98.6 degrees F, my oxygen levels are normal, and my biggest symptom seems to be loss of smell and taste. But that day, on the phone with my doctor and immediately following, there were so many thoughts and emotions I was experiencing. 

I was scared for my loved ones; even though I’ve been pretty good at social distancing, is there a chance I could have gotten anyone else sick? I was scared for my roommate; even though I began isolating when I started to feel symptoms, we share a space -- did I infect her? 

I was scared for my own health; about what symptoms might develop and at the thought of ending up in the hospital (as many healthy young adults have before me). I was confused; where did I pick it up? I felt ashamed; how could I let this happen -- was I being irresponsible -- was it my fault? 

If you’re reading this and you’ve tested positive yourself or have friends/family who have, I have a few things I ask you to keep in mind.

FEEL ALL THE FEELS.

All the feelings, all the initial worries and fears are okay. There is so much unknown with this new virus that of course you are worried and concerned-- for yourself and for loved ones. Especially for the young people out there, you may have well-meaning friends and family telling you “you’re gonna be fine” to help ease your mind. But for me at least, this only made me feel like I needed to hide my worries. The last thing you need right now is additional stress, so don’t add stress and effort of trying to put on a brave face if that’s not true to how you feel. 

Let the emotions run through you. 

Process them. Cry. Laugh. Let them out.

AVOID THE RABBIT HOLE.

I know... I just said that you gotta feel all the feels, but at the same time don’t let them consume you. 

I fell down the hole myself the first few nights after my test. I’d keep myself up at night worrying about all the potential implications of this virus. With so much unknown, we have to remember to stay in the present moment, too. You can’t go back and change things and you can’t see into the future and know how things are going to turn out. Make sure you understand what symptoms you are experiencing and be as prepared as you can and beyond that, try to stay in this present moment. 

Meditation and journaling have helped me a lot with this.

BE RESPONSIBLE, BUT NOT ASHAMED. 

It’s true that we all have a social responsibility to try to limit the spread of this virus as much as possible by practicing social distancing, wearing masks, and washing our hands often, but even doing everything “right”, it is still possible to get this virus. 

There are some people that have ventured back to restaurants, that see a core group of friends or family regularly, that make the trek to walk on the beach in the sunshine, and I’m here to tell you that regardless, there is no place for COVID-shaming. 

We all are trying to cope as best we can. Everything we do from grocery shopping to having food delivered is a calculated risk that we each take. Every person makes calculated risks either because they have to to make a living, or to try to maintain some level of connection and happiness and it's not anyone else’s place to judge. There is such a social stigma attached to COVID already and how if you test positive, you must therefore have been incredibly irresponsible in some way, but I’m here to tell you that’s just not always the case. 

REMAIN POSITIVE… THE OTHER KIND. 

If you have COVID, don’t beat yourself up. Take care of yourself, treat yourself well, and heal. Find the little things in your isolation that bring you joy whether it’s the your morning tea, your video calls with loved ones, or your favorite song. Nourish yourself with healthful foods and get plenty of sleep. Remember that your body is built to survive and it’s working on just that.